Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:23 You know, biking has been a source of joy for me ever since I purchased my Cannondale Road bike about 20 some odd years ago, and I've done a lot of bike rides over the years, and many of them were accompanied by some great companions, including my son, my daughters, my two sons-in-law, um, and some very dear friends with each ride covering anywhere from 30 to 50 miles. Had a lot of great conversations on those bike rides and, um, a lot of special life moments were captured. None better than my son-in-law, Logan, asking for my blessing to take my daughter's hand in marriage. I also competed in several triathlons with that bike, one with my son after his graduation from college and another a few years later with my daughter in the pouring rain. There were also some special fundraisers, especially the one in May of 2003 when I biked about 150 miles over a two day period to help raise money for MS in honor of my sister, and to begin my painful transition, uh, from being let go as the US director of research, uh, at Credit Suisse First Boston.
Speaker 1 00:01:38 And there were also a lot of, uh, solitary rides, usually in the morning up and down the New Jersey coastline here, and, um, a great feeling of accomplishment every time I would arrive back home. But recently I'd suffered several falls off my bike, not to mention samo, the very close calls I had experienced on some of the very heavily track roadways here in New Jersey. In each of those scary moments, I realized the time had finally come for me to let go of the bike. So as I took my final ride on the Cannondale a couple of months ago, I couldn't help but recall that moment when I rode a bike for the first time as a five-year-old boy with my dad running alongside me until he finally let go of the bike. I also thought of my own experience as a young dad teaching each of my three children had to ride a bike and the fear that grip my own heart, knowing that just like my dad had done so many years earlier, I too would face that moment where I would have to let go of the bike so that each of my children could grow.
Speaker 1 00:02:46 And although I didn't appreciate it at that time, I think I grew a little bit as a parent in that experience. 20 years later, there's a realization that the bike isn't just a wonderful physical item filled with incredible memories, but it's also a metaphor for so many things in life that we often have difficulty letting go of in both our personal as well as our professional lives. And as a professional coach who takes a human-centered approach with all of my client engagements, learning to let go of things like a past relationship, a job, bad habits, certain behaviors, an identity that no longer fits us, a change in our roles in life, or a loved one who is no longer here with us, those are often some of the central challenges we tackle in those client engagements. Knowing and learning what to let go of is an essential skill to build and further hone for future success.
Speaker 1 00:03:49 For those who are already in a leadership position or who are in a leadership development program that might be preparing them for a future role in the organization. Often my initial executive and leadership coaching conversations will center on the client becoming more self-aware of their own strengths and how others on their team and within the organization see them. In that leadership capacity, we also examine a variety of behaviors that touch on their locus of control and how their leadership style may need to evolve to achieve maximum performance. Letting go can mean leaving behind ingrained long-term behavioral patterns, like an obsession for having to know every little detail on a project or an overarching tendency to focus on problems. It may require a mindset shift from always having to be right or having the answer to every problem to be a more open to new approaches, new ways of thinking that can enhance their overall effectiveness.
Speaker 1 00:04:57 We also focus on identifying letting go of any emotional triggers like fear and anger and resentment that may affect how the client shows up in their leadership role. And to be more curious as to what may lie behind those deeply felt emotions. Letting go of the bike and executive coaching engagements will also focus on how the client delegates tasks and responsibilities to other members of the team. For example, does the client place enough trust in their team and empower the team to do what they're fully capable of delivering in helping the organizations grow? Are they a leader that needs to control every input and output and know every step along the way? Do they require immediate and frequent updates? Are they regularly redirecting the thought process of the team? Poor delegation skills and the lack of trust they place in the team are clear signs that they have yet to let go of the bike that could help their team learn and grow on their own?
Speaker 1 00:06:05 It can often result from a fear that the team will not be successful unless the client is actively controlling every person on the team, every project, and every key performance indicator that the team is responsible for. In those situations, I will often role play with the client by asking them to take a minute and to remember that moment when dad let go of the bike because he knew we were ready to ride on our own. So in that same spirit, the client can build trust in their team by letting go of the bike and enable the team to thrive on their own. Letting go of the bike can be particularly challenging when a client gets laid off from a job. As the former role is often viewed as a major part of one's identity, and losing that perceived self-identity can significantly complicate and lengthen the transition needed in finding a new role.
Speaker 1 00:07:06 Job loss is a significant life event. It affects one's self-confidence and and heightens our anxiety over what our future may now look like. Human-centered coaching can help the client let go of that painful experience by providing enough space to fully grieve the job loss and allow them to tap into their deeply felt emotions. A critical component in restoring their self-esteem and outlook for their future. Identities can also become confusing at times for employees who are witnessing a major role change within the organizational structure, particularly when one moves from a producer or subject matter expert role to a new managerial position. In many of those cases, the coaching engagement will need to focus on specific tools and exercises that will help the client to let go of the former identity and fully embracing the new evolving identity. Letting go of the bike is a process that repeats itself throughout our lives, whether it's a personal relationship that didn't work out, a job that we may have lost a story or a script about ourselves that we're trying to leave behind, or personal habits and behaviors that we're hoping to change.
Speaker 1 00:08:30 Letting go of the bike can also apply to the many different and changing roles that we take on as we grow older. For many of us, that might include the transition to the empty nest stage of life when our children become adults, living independently, retirement, becoming a grandparent, adult children, taking on caregiver responsibilities for their older parents, or learning how to live on our own again after the loss of a loved one. Anxiety and fear will often get in the way as we try to let go of those former roles, but when you work with a coach or a therapist and getting involved in community groups that cater to these new life roles, they can really be a godsend. So what about you? What's your call to action? Is there a bike that you need to let go of? Are there specific areas of your life and work that you could let go of?
Speaker 1 00:09:30 Whatever they may be? Try and relax that tight grip on those things that you're holding onto that you would like to let go of. Reimagine the joy and the freedom you felt all those years ago when dad let go of the bike and allowed you to ride on your own for the very first time you did it back then and you can do it again. By the way, there's a happy ending to my Cannondale bike and I feel an inner peace knowing that the bike I loved for these past 20 years is now in safe hands. As I recently sold the bike to a very nice young man who had always dreamed of buying a road bike. As we completed the exchange on a beautiful sunny afternoon, I shook his hand and wished him well and returned to my car for the ride back home. I looked through the window of my car and caught a glimpse of him mounting the bike for the first time. And boy was there a huge smile on his face and it brought tears of happiness to my eyes. I took great comfort in knowing that I had let go of my bike and that it was now in very safe hands with a whole new world of memories awaiting him and his family in the future.
